I have a lot of time to think on a normal basis which is REALLY scary. Day to day I'm driving to and from customers. Yea I see people in 30 minute or so spans. People call while I drive but there is a bit of downtime. And I catch my self just thinking. I think about work, opportunities,families, friends, my husband (a lot), life, my past, etc. In the evenings Jarad works Monday-Thursday and also during the day on Sundays. I have ALOT of Calista time which accounts for Crazy Saturdays when I'm around people or that's what we attribute it to. Lately I've been thinking about how I feel I'm more positive on a day to day basis. I've had coworkers notice it. I think Jarad has noticed it as well as friends....or I hope. I think some of it has to do with just being more aware of it thanks to a deep convo/misunderstanding/fight with my dear friend, Katrina about a year ago. But I also think it has to do with my weight loss. On a good day I'm down 20lbs from the beginning of the year and when I was overweight I didn't see it as a problem. However, when your clothes don't fit good, you've got a muffin top, you secretly don't like how you look in the mirror but you put on a good front or so you think, it all dictates your attitude, life and in turn your relationships with people.
I had stopped working out regularly since the middle of June. I had scaled back to once or twice a week and I could feel the ugly feelings coming back. I'm back into 4-5 workouts a week and it's a back...that feeling of pride in myself, my husband, my family, my friends, my work and all I've done...my swagger, as some may call it.
Mental health is a constant process and for now I'm in a good state. I'm happy and overwhlemed to have such a great husband, family, friends, job and look forward to where this positive attitude can take me.
"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy." - Lucille Ball